Filling in the spaces

I have many hours of unstructured time. I work part time which is absolutely wonderful if you can manage it. I run a household, cook, do laundry, shop, walk the dog, watch television, read a ton of books, and daydream.

I have some structure to my life. But not as much as I once did. Once there were small children who needed constant attention. These small children are now larger than I am. They still don’t mind the attention, but they are self-sufficient.

I once had a high stress, high responsibility job. I worked full time and then had call on top of it. That really sucks the time right out of one’s life. The most I ever worked was 20 hours during one 24 hour on call shift. It was a good ting that the travel time back and forth to work was under 15 minutes. All I did was work, drive home, eat, get called back to work – repeat.

But that is long ago and far away. Now I work a few hours a day. I can’t remember the last time I worked even an eight hour shift.

And yet I feel pressured by time. There is so much I would like to be doing and I sit in front of my computer instead. I play stupid games. I surf stupid sites. I waste time. Time – the only truly democratic commodity there is. Each of us gets exactly 24 hours each day to do with as we see fit.

I could be doing something worthwhile. I could be doing something that has an impact on the world or at least my little corner of it. I could do something that broadens my horizons. I could learn something new. I could teach something different.

I play solitaire.

That’s not really all I do. Today I went to water aerobics, then to work, then stopped and picked up Easter basket stuff for the grandchildren, then I did two loads of laundry, cooked dinner, took the dog for a walk, and then I played solitaire. I also read a couple chapters in a book and cleaned up around the house. This is a fairly typical day except I only do laundry once or twice a week.

I have all these spaces of time. I could use them more to my advantage. But is that even really advantageous? Does one have to be busy all the time? Can I spend hours playing solitaire without guilt? It’s not like I’m neglecting responsibilities elsewhere.

I just know I could use the time better. I know it. So I am getting away from this computer. Right now.