Perspective

There is no reality, only perception. Our perceptions are based on our expectations. Our expectations are based on myths of what a perfect life would be.

For the last two months my husband has been complaining that his fate should not have befallen him. He is certain that this is not what he expected. A co-worker, a friend, a golfing buddy, died of colon cancer within months of being diagnosed with it. By the time the cancer was found, it was already stage IV and metastasized. It was horrible.

Without having any symptoms or problems, my husband consented to the indignity of having a colonoscopy. He scheduled the test prior to his friend’s death. He couldn’t go to the funeral because he was undergoing the trials and tribulations of prepping for a colonoscopy. We were certain that the test would come back as his having a clean bill of health.

This is where the perception and expectations collide. It was not a clean bill of health. There was a mass. A fairly large mass. Biopsies were taken. We had to wait until the end of the week to get the results. If you thought I should have put that into this piece already and you are curious, just imagine waiting for days instead of seconds. It was grueling. It was also negative.

The plan of attack, and there was one, was to go the least invasive route first. That meant another colonoscopy with the hope of obliterating the mass. So on our thirty-third wedding anniversary, we were again at the outpatient care center. The mass proved to be both larger and more diffuse, as opposed to being on a “stem” and so it was impossible to eradicate it safely in this manner.

The option now was major surgery at the time of our choosing. We could wait a few months and enjoy the summer. How could one enjoy the summer with a time bomb inside? That was the question. So we opted for the sooner, the better as our strategy. On Tuesday, he underwent a colon resection. Again the lab reports came back as non-cancerous, but slightly changed cells. It appears that if he had waited until the end of the summer to have surgery, he could very well indeed have had cancer instead of pre-cancer.

As to the perception and expectation issue again. For two months, he has been complaining and questioning with “Why me?” I have heard, “This wasn’t supposed to have happened,” more times than I can count. It was NOT supposed to have happened. However, the mass was growing whether it was found or not. Our expectation was that he would be healthy. The point of view I have been taking has been that without the test, without the impetus of a friend dying, he would have died, too. Not having the test would not have made the lesion disappear.

Now we have a summer of getting back to a state of complete health. But it is at least an option to return to a state of complete health. This is not a course of action I would have chosen given all the possible courses of action available. But given the possibilities open to us, I am eternally grateful that the test found the problem and we obtained a solution prior to the cells turning into cancer.

Life is uncertain, eat dessert first.