Who Is the Boss of Me?

I am blissfully unemployed. I do not punch a time clock. I am not a salaried employee. I also receive no paycheck. As always, advantages played against disadvantages.

All humans need a purpose. All adult humans, at least, need a purpose. Without a goal, without something to aim for, life becomes patternless and washed of all color. This is a problem that is unforeseen by those approaching retirement. But it exists. So goals must be set up so there is some means of achieving success. Perhaps the goal is to shoot in the low 80s in golf or to do an entire hour of water aerobics “suspended.”

I have set up a different goal. I am writing. I am writing a book. I am writing a book with 366 discrete entries. One for each day, including February 29. Three hundred and sixty-six dates. I have almost three hundred written. It is interesting. I am learning things and I love trivia. It is not extremely difficult work because I enjoy it.

Usually. But … sometimes I am not so tuned into writing. Sometimes I would rather read. Sometimes I would even rather clean the house. That is really not tuned into writing. I have other responsibilities besides this one goal. I need to complete the activities that are necessary to my continued lifestyle.

But I must also write. That is the way to tell that one is writer. The person writes. So I set a daily goal. I will write so many pieces on this date. And then … I play a computer game. Not even a terribly fun computer game. A game I’ve already won, but it fills the time. Time I should be writing. But who says that I should be writing?

What are my goals? Am I looking to finish this inside the month? Is that a reasonable goal? Should I push myself to write when I don’t feel at all like writing? Does my writing quality diminish when I see it as a chore rather as a creative outlet that gives me joy? Does it matter if I am joyful?

My hope is to sell my book, but I’m not sure that can or will ever happen. Does that mean I am wasting my time? Regardless of whether or not it ever is published, I’m learning all sorts of things. I enjoy the process. When I’m not forcing myself to write, at least.

Since I am my own boss, who is cheated when I stop working and play a game, read, watch television, or just goof off? Will I fire myself if I am a bad girl? What keeps me focused? Should I continue to push or let myself off the hook? My solution to date has been to set up an absolute minimum of work required of myself every day and then set a second higher goal that would be nice if I got it done. I have been able to meet my minimum, but is that cheating myself? Am I not requiring enough of myself?

I need a job description. I should write that.