Mudville After Casey

I awoke to a world dim with filtered dawn. The fog was dense, impenetrable. The mists swirled and broke, shifted and reformed, the distance hidden from view. The air was damp, sounds were muted. Clarity was lost.

Metaphor? My life? Befuddled by fog?

On the way to work, I was in a patch of clear, then into the thick and oppressive fog. A moment of seeing clearly, a moment of dark despair. Definition then ill-defined. Here and tangible, lost and cloaked.

My life is clear and then clearly lost. My sense of joy is vibrating with action, or as dim as Mudville right after Mighty Casey struck out. Clear as mud.

In my inbox this morning was this quote: "A sailor without a destination cannot hope for a favorable wind." by Leon Tec, M.D.

There was a time when I had a purpose. I could define myself with nouns that were awe-inspiring, at least to me. I was healer. I was mother. I was wife. I was useful. I had a destination. I had a way to assess my value in the world.

I am no longer a healer. It was a conscious choice made rationally. I could become a healer again with little effort, but I choose to not take that destination. I am able to make a long and cogent list as to why that path would be incorrect for me now.

I am mother, but to adults. While that doesn't mean my job is complete, it does mean the job description has changed. Negotiations have shifted positions of power. I'm not an authority, but more like a mentor. Not quite a peer, but less authoritarian. And much less needed. My son will respond differently, but that's only because he loves me. He doesn't depend on me for a roof over his head or clothing on his back. Not even for help with his homework.

I remain married to my starter husband. That relationship, if it can even be called that now, is also remarkably changed. I crave interaction, stimulating discussion. I would love to intellectually connect. We have never had this type of connection. He is not a man of words. He cares not for "discussion" preferring to do. He is drained by his job and can only focus on the complaints and ills of the world of work. Dinner discussions are either me trying to entertain someone completely bored with me, or listening to a litany of problems at work. I wish I was able to change this, but I have no idea how. I have more stimulating conversations with people standing in line at the grocery store.

After dinner, I'm back to the computer, he to the television or Xbox. The fifteen minutes spent in the same room while eating can finally be finished. We can retreat into our solitary and aligned lives without interaction, without inter weaving our lives. Two people completely alone in the same house.

I'm lost in my fog. Without direction. My GPS isn't working, the current maps have not been updated. There is no road with my name on it. No course set for me to sail. I've not filed a flight plan. There is no place to go.

So I retreat to my loneliness. Without friends. Without a job. Without a life. Sitting in front of a computer screen with my life dripping by – ever so slowly. The angst of old. Dear Abby and Annie's Mailbox are full of advice for lonely people. Get out and join something. I've joined a few things and been just as alone. Volunteer. I do and I'm appreciated while I'm there and then I go back home to my solitary confinement.

I remember days shared with friends. Filled with job, volunteer work, sports, and family. Kids needing to be here and there. Husband engaged in the family. If the fog lifted, perhaps I could see it again. But … it seems so impossible from here.

I scream in the dark. The fog swallows the sound. I return to my cell. Of my own construction. Hating my life. No, there isn't enough for a life. Hating my existence. Without the will to change it. Without knowing how to change it. Without caring enough to change it.

The fog crept in on little cat feet…

I Am From

I read this and thought I would give it a try. I will write a "poem" about where I am from, but please take note that I abhor free verse. I will write phrases that are said to be a poem because free verse has no rules or limits and that is easier.

I am from the mists of time.
I am from eternity, which has conspired
Across the eons to create this me.
I am from the death of potato famines.
I am from the death of an only child.
The sweeping changes of all time have
Brought together this set of circumstances.
I am from a motherless mother.
I am from the solid farm.
I am from the war's depths and peaceful reunions.
I am from the love and devotion that knows no bounds.
I am from teachers and salesmen and Budweiser.
I am from the frightened child hiding from danger.
I am from Irish tempers, heated and wild.
I am from Teutonic tempers, cold and hard.
I am from English stoics, holding on.
I am far more interested in where I am going
Than where I am from.

Another Dolt

Quoted from Oprah Magazine:
James Gilligan, author of Preventing Violence offers this as one of the millions of ways to save the world.

"In our thermonuclear era, the most immediate threat to our continued survival is human violence. So how do we prevent it? By eliminating inequalities of power and wealth based on race, gender, sexual orientation, etc. Throughout the world, the most powerful predictor of violence is the size of the gap in income and wealth between the rich and the poor. The answer? Elect a Democrat as president. Historically, that has been the most direct and effective way to reduce the gap. As equality increases, the violence decreases. This is love in action."

What?

First: thermonuclear war age.
Who are the only people to drop an atomic bomb on anyone? The US. Who was president at the time? Harry S Truman. What party was he affiliated with? Democrat.

Second: equality.
The Great Depression began with the crash of the stock market and continued for years. FDR, bless his heart, tried to dig his way out of this by creating a New Deal where he took money from anyone not his friend who still had some left and created a way to deliver it to the poor. His New Deal is credited by historians with prolonging the depression that followed the crash of the markets. What party was Roosevelt affiliated with? Democrat.

They have tried pure equality for wealth, but never power. It was called Communism and was the closest to socialism the world has yet seen. I do believe that the prisons were not emptied with the relieved citizens dancing in the street. Instead, there was increased persecution of anyone not touting the party line.

One of the more famous politicians who helped with the reuniting of the country after a horrific split caused by the Civil War was Boss Tweed. He and his cronies nearly collapsed New York City with their help. Boss Tweed was a Democrat.

So who are the horrid Republicans who do nothing to ensure peace and equality?

One of the first Republicans was Abraham Lincoln. You might remember him as the man assassinated at the theater. He is also known for the Emancipation Proclamation. It is theorized that had he not been killed at the theater, reconstruction would have taken a much different turn. But we will never know.

Now about those pesky Communists whose system didn't work. Who was President when the Cold War ended and the Communist regime gave sway to a more egalitarian way of government? Ronald Reagan. Another darn Republican.

Mr. Gilligan, a white male whose sexual orientation is thankfully unknown to me, does not say if he is accepting royalties for his book. Perhaps he is living just like a welfare mom and donating all funds generated by his hard work to the poor, disenfranchised, and unequal.

As a side note, we are not equal. We are to be treated equally under the law, but that doesn't make us equal. If we were truly all equal, there would be no gold medals at the Olympics because everyone would complete the event with the same time or score. We would not pay ridiculously high wages to men who can pass or catch a football, shoot a 3-pointer with ease, slam one out of the park over the head of the right fielder. There would be no movie or rock stars because everyone could act or sing.

There is no such thing as equality in the human condition. Some people are far more gifted than others and willing to work with the diligence necessary to make that gift pay off. While we have no control over the gifts we were born with, we have somewhat more control over what we do with those gifts.

Some people seem to be preternaturally lazy. This may be an innate condition. Like those who are born with dyslexia, with effort it can be overcome. Somehow that seems ironic. Laziness can be overcome by diligent work. No kidding.

Why should someone who works industriously be forced to give up the fruits of those labors so that someone less willing and/or able to do that work can have equal buying power? While it may be true that not everyone can be a brain surgeon or rocket scientist, aren't ditch diggers necessary, too? The answer is that it takes about ten minutes to figure out the intricacies of a shovel while it takes years of education and training to become a surgeon or scientist. While that means that the professionals should and do make more money, it does not mean that the ditch digger should not be paid appropriately for his work. It is just that the work done is not as costly to produce.

What do we do about the inequality of the human condition? Is it proper to punish the hard-working people who produce goods and services that are wanted or needed by the buying public? Does capitalism create a world in which all can succeed if they are willing to put forth the time and effort? With free public education on the books, whose fault is it when a child doesn't attend school?

When you have a right to something, does that imply that you also hold responsibilities? If you have a right to an education, do you also have the responsibility to work for the knowledge? Is it some Republican's fault that you didn't? Now, as a hard-working old coot, get off my lawn and keep your hands out of my wallet.

Where Does It All End?

In another venue, the discussion of Body Mass Index and health insurance premiums has become a topic. It seems that health insurance companies have noticed that fat people have more health problems and wish to charge them an extra $10/month for health coverage. This made an obese writer somewhat angry. What angered him was that he was considered obese when he thought he was merely overweight.

The guy is 71 inches high and weighs in at 260. I'm not sure where he thought obese started, but it's probably like the term old – it starts someplace past where the current person stands. According to BMI charts, he should weigh about 175 and he was just sure that there were no people like that on the planet or at least in the good old U S of A.

While my own dear son is not exactly those svelte measurements, he is very close.

When I was working in a nursing home, the aides were all in a snit because they would meet guys at bars and then these same guys would lose interest when they found out that the women had one, two, or three kids back at home. They sat there whining that these guys probably had fathered kids of their own. I mean, they said, like what guy our age hasn't fathered a kid or two.

My own dear son was that age at the time and had no children to his credit. Still doesn't and he is a good five years older now.

When we are in a situation, we want to be "normal" and so we assume that everyone is in the same boat with us. Unless it is that we are superlative. That's okay. But to be fat or careless (wanton?) would be bad. To be gifted is great. To be stupid, not so much. And so everyone makes these same stupid mistakes, right?

Well, no. Not everyone makes the same mistakes. There are far too many mistakes to make and so we each get our allotment of mistakes to make and can therefore look on with mirth and perhaps sympathy when we see someone else making a different mistake.

Is it normal to be overweight? Pretty much. Is it healthy to be overweight? Of course not. Where does obese begin? According to charts, at 30 BMI with 40 being really bad and more and more tubs o' lard hitting the 50 range. So when you look around and see someone who is at that 45 BMI level, it is easy to think – thank Loki I'm not THAT fat. And it is true. But that doesn't negate the strain you are putting on your heart, lungs, joints, and all other systems when you are at the 30 BMI range.

The women who complained about men at bars might have been better served if they had held the men (boys?) responsible for their own situation to a higher standard. It isn't the fault of the guys cruising bars today trying to pick up chicks that they were misused in an earlier life.

My own dear son is the father of three beautiful children. He is responsible for those children and their mother. It hasn't always been easy for either of the young parents, but when was it ever easy for young parents?

All I can say to fat people is – eat less, move more. And when you are picking up dudes in a bar, for Allah's sake, use a raincoat and know how that works.

Lowering Higher Learning

According to the Denver Post online, students entering college in Colorado are really too stupid to go there. Half of the students entering Metropolitan State College and nearly one-quarter of the kids at the University of Northern Colorado did not have the proper high school course work to enter college.

Colorado is one of the minority of states that does not have mandatory requirements for high school curriculums. They did institute minimum college entrance standards proposals four years ago that are to take effect next year. Even so, there were 3,000 ill-prepared students attempting to attend state colleges this year. So, they are lowering the standards.

Gerald Keefe takes education seriously as he is the superintendent for Kit Carson, a rural community. "One hundred percent of our kids graduate from high school," he said. "It's not in our business to, in my mind, make sure students just go to a four-year college. That's not the only path."

The stringent requirements for attending a state college in 2008 were planned to include four years of English, three years of math, three years of science, and academic electives. This is too rigorous for students attending high school in Colorado. So the initiative is being delayed another year.

The source article does not speak about the lowered requirements in classes taken. They don't demand a level of competence in the classes given in high school. Rather, they only say that this is what a teenager should have completed in order to go on to a state college.

They are currently looking at GPAs and ACT scores. What the article doesn't say and what I personally can't figure out is why students and their parents aren't aware of the college requirements. Why can't a student voluntarily sign up for English, science, math, and electives?

It would be nice if the high schools thought they were in the business of preparing kids for going to college, but apparently that isn't their job. Their job is to make sure that everyone gets a diploma stating that they sat through some really watered-down classes in public safety and shop. Maybe some home economics classes, too.

The old coots among us keep shaking our heads at the stupid kids leaving the school system. Educators also congratulate every third grader who writes a story regardless of spelling and grammar. "It's the creativity we value." No, it isn't. Substance counts. Being able to form grammatically correct sentences is a valuable tool and the schools are responsible for teaching that skill. Same with spelling. And balancing a checkbook. And figuring out a 15% tip. And all the other mundane life skills that take a definite base of knowledge.

Reading the newspaper shouldn't be that hard. Schools are given the funding from our tax dollars to provide a service. Of course, parents aren't off the hook here either. When my son could not get the special services he needed to help him overcome dyslexia, I took it upon myself to make sure he got the help he needed. No child of mine was going to grow up and not know how to read. That was horrifying to me and I did not allow it to happen.

All in all, it is a terrible situation. We have watered down the curriculum along with the stuff taught within that set. And still school is too hard for the poor babies. High schools are not in the business of getting kids ready for college so when it is extremely costly, kids are taking (paying) for remediation classes when the stuff should have been taught when school was "free" or at taxpayers' expense.

And adults can't find the Pacific Ocean on a map. Can't read the newspaper (online or off) and can't figure out the price of an item if it is marked 40% off. The new batch of college graduates has caused their own stink by their complete lack of work ethic. But that's another topic.

Ad Campaign

There is a new ad campaign spread across billboards telling us to speak to our kids before they start drinking. There is a picture of cute child of age five or so.

Who are these morons producing these ads?

What parent wants their child to involve him or herself in underage drinking? Or to overly imbibe even when of the "proper" age?

I remember telling the kids, "You can only take medicine from a doctor or a nurse and lucky for you, your mom is a nurse." And both of my kids at least tried street drugs. One of them tried more than the other. Neither got their drugs from a doctor or a nurse.

As the child of an alcoholic, I was more than passingly aware of the dangers of drinking. Even age drinking and certainly underage drinking. And yet – I was at the courthouse with the kid who was ticketed for underage drinking. He paid an $80 fine. There was some other punishment, too, but we never were told how that would work and so it rather disappeared.

I told 'em and I told 'em and yet they drank and experimented with drugs. What sort of message is this new ad campaign? Like parents don't exhort their children to behave and that is the only reason the kids fall off the straight and narrow path? Where is the admission that peer pressure is intense during the teen years and lead to all sorts of behaviors that parents aren't too keen on. That was even an issue when I was the teen.

Explain the dangers of drink, drugs, sex, and dangerous driving habits and miraculously all these things will disappear – the ads seem to say.

Me? I want to know who designed this ad campaign and how much money was spent on it. Because it was surely wasted money. The parents who care are already doing that and will be properly ignored when the time comes. The parents who don't care will not be persuaded by a billboard and their kids have far more problems to worry about anyway.

Great waste of money. And irritating, too.