What's With All the Racket?

Sounds of Silence.
You just don't get that much anymore. Silence is terrifying. Noise is ubiquitous. Noise must mean that something is happening. Yes, there is noise.

Once upon a time, shopping was a solitary experience where you went to a store and the only sound was conversation between shopkeepers and customers or between the customers themselves. No one even heard of a cell phone and there was no talking to thin air. Fighting with thin air. Yelling at thin air. There was interaction only between the humans present.

Once upon a time in a galaxy far away, someone thought "background music" would somehow encourage people to shop. That may have been true in a time when there was only one sort of music. And when it was background. Some stores blare music so loudly that you can't even fight with someone over a cell phone. And it is awful music. I only assume it is music because background or white noise would be so much more pleasant. And there is caterwauling with the "music" so I also assume it is a "song." It only encourages me to either get what I came for quickly, or else to abandon the store altogether. But perhaps that is the goal, keep the coots out.

Then the doors scream. I understand that theft is a problem. However, the doors that yell when someone passes through do nothing to assuage shoplifting. The people who work there are inured to what becomes one more piece of background noise – IF they can hear it over the music. Stand in one of those stores some time and watch. Clerks, or whatever the PC term is now for clerks, don't even look up. Sure, if they weren't doing anything. But if they are busy – the time when shoplifters actually lift – they just ignore it as one more assault on their ears. It only bothers the customers.

And my new favorite. School buses that honk. Before there were drivers too distracted by talking on the phone, there were bright yellow school buses that had red lights that flashed when they were taking on or letting off tiny passengers. Then they added a stop sign that came out at a ninety degree angle. Then they added reflective tape. Then they added a strobe light to induce seizures in the unwary. And now, there is a horn that beeps each and every time they get ready to move the bus again. I know this because my driveway is somehow the bus stop. Each morning and every afternoon. Honk, honk, honk, honk, honk. It took me a while to figure out it was the bus.

With each improvement in the bus, there were still accidents. There will continue to be accidents. It doesn't matter what anyone devises as a safety measure. There will be accidents. That is why they are called accidents. They aren't "on-purposes" because no one is really out there aiming at the kids. No matter how much at times you might want to mow down a row of moseying teenagers who can't use the sidewalk because the street is the place to saunter. They don't do that while exiting the bus. Trust me, I watch. They leave the bus with alacrity. They mosey later.

The honking must send the drivers into a headache induced tizzy. If I were a bus driver, I would specifically ask to not drive a bus that honked all fucking day. Bad enough the kids are so loud. Why have a loud bus, too? I'm not even certain what the honk is supposed to DO. Is it to tell the person behind the bus who is too engaged in their cell phone conversation that it is now time to drive erratically again? The bus driver knows that the bus is going. Is it to warn kids playing under the wheels that the bus will be moving again? They put the kid catcher that is reminiscent of the cow catchers from trains on the front of the bus. If a child is too stupid to know not to play under the wheels of the bus, what will the horn do? And why don't we give Darwin an award winner?

I no longer hear the horn on a daily basis. And I only have it honk here once in the morning and once in the afternoon. The kids riding the bus hear it as often as the driver. How long did it take for them to completely tune it out? Probably less than a week. It is now background noise. Just one more way to "protect" while not protecting. Just annoying.

In a piece of perfect irony, I may go and play the Simon and Garfunkle song Sounds of Silence. That is a nice noise.