How do I Love Thee ... Let Me Count the Ways

There are so many types of love. And amazingly they interweave and create a beautiful tapestry of life. At least if you are lucky they do. I have been lucky. I have been loved and permitted to love many.

It has been almost a year since we lost Mom. She was vibrant and alive one minute, getting ready to meet a friend for lunch, and then she was gone. She was the first love as every mother should be. She taught and listened, counseled and consoled. She didn’t always agree but she always accepted. And she did this without benefit of example since her own mother died when she was nine. I don’t mean to make her out as flawless but she was the best she could be and it was more than just “good enough” for me. I am grateful.

Dad has been dead for over a decade and his loss wasn’t unexpected or sudden. When he stopped being “Dad” and was lost in his own private hell, I was so consumed with the process of disease that I wasn’t as devastated by the loss. That, and I still had Mom. When he finally died, it was a release more than a loss. It still hurt, but not with the raw open-wound type pain as losing Mom. I remember the fishing trips with the most total joy of my childhood. I got to go fishing and camping with Daddy and I loved it and him and was just lost in the sunshine and happiness.

Then there is the love of siblings. I am blessed with two of the bestest sisters in the whole wide world. I am so proud of who they are and what they do with their lives. They have touched the lives of hundreds or thousands with the soft and caring hands of teachers. They have left the world a better place by their presence in it. There is no better epithet. And what they have done for their students is multiplied by a hundredfold when compared to what they have done for their inner circle. I am blessed to be part of that inner circle. They have taught and listened, counseled and consoled. They don’t always agree but they always accept.

I married the most spectacular man 33 years ago this month. He is not tall, dark, and handsome. He is short, tanned, and cute. He is trustworthy and devoted to me and his sons. He has never tried to smother me with dictates. Everything I cook is wonderful. Every outfit I wear is cute. Everything I do is acceptable. He hasn’t tried to change who I am or what I do. He has met me halfway always and three-quarters of the way often. When I was a nurse, that was fine. When I wasn’t a nurse anymore, that was fine. When I wanted to go back to college, that was fine. When I wanted to quit my job, that was fine. I have never had anyone ever, ever be so accepting of me. I don’t think I have been that same person for him – and he doesn’t seem to mind!

I have two sons. They are quite different from each other on the surface. They are very alike underneath. They are both hard-working and responsible. They are both highly intelligent and driven. They both like to read, which is a gift I tried desperately to pass on. They both like the other brother, even though they both said they weren’t going to do that as soon as they could get away. They live within a couple miles of each other by design having moved 750 miles from their birth place to where they are now. They are different in many ways, too. And I am so proud of both of them.

I have two grandchildren and another one on the way. They are delightful. They are reminders of the circle of life. I’m not responsible for the day-to-day stuff so I can just simply love and cuddle, hug and kiss, and play instead of trying to develop sound adults. I simply get to play with the babies. I am permitted to love without having to shoulder the responsibility of parenting. I find this so very different from being the parent. As a parent, one is always wondering if this or that is the correct thing. As a grandparent, I know that this or that isn’t at all important anyway and I can spoil and love without consequence since that is the purpose of grandparenting.

I have many friends that I love and who enrich my life tremendously. I have people in my life that add variation and color to the tapestry. We share and care about each other. We commiserate and celebrate with each other. We have an ongoing journey of interaction that allows us to compliment the strengths and weaknesses we find in each other. We lean on each other – sometimes this is a short range plan and sometimes it lasts decades or a lifetime. How bleak life would be even with the very best of family if there were no friends to add the color and background. The Mona Lisa wouldn’t be as beautiful without the background. Just the lady on a blank canvass would be so much less. The background is as essential as the foreground.

My family is the foreground and my friends are the background and together they make the beautiful picture that is my life. Filled with love and blessed with loving, my life is a joy.