The Library is Closed

I went to the library today because I had no more books on tape [really on CD] to listen to. I can’t stand silence and so I listen to books. Off I went and got some books to listen to and some books to read. All is well on the western front. And then she stuck in this note that said the library would be closed on Wednesday, May 10 for Confederate Memorial Day or something icky like that. That must be a real big holiday with the black population. Just one more perk of living in the South.

But it almost made be cry in a public place. I am having a difficult time holding it together as it is. Mom’s birthday would have been tomorrow. I have always struggled with a birthday gift because there wasn’t really anything to buy her that she couldn’t have gotten for herself. This is a problem that all children have for their parents. I wouldn’t mind at all having that problem this year.

But worse than that, May 10 is the one year anniversary of her death. Last year that came after Mother’s Day, this year it is before. Mother’s Day is a movable holiday, but my father-in-law died on Mother’s Day and so it wasn’t all that happy of a day anyway. Now it’s even worse.

I know that I will get through this next week because I really don’t have any other choice. Here is a hot tip. Buy stock in Kleenex.

For the last two years, I didn’t notice that the library was closed for this wonderful holiday. Two years ago, I was unpacking. Last year, I was pretty busy with other things.

I’m already beyond crabby. I was supposed to go to a play tonight, but it’s about dying and I just can’t make myself go and be “entertained” that way. I’ve yelled at the dog who has done nothing wrong or out of the ordinary. She is a dog and not aware of significant dates. And she lets me get away with yelling at her and then still likes me.

What I really want for Mom’s birthday isn’t presents, but her presence. I wish I had a way of buying that.

There is no joy in Mudville/ Mighty Casey has struck out.