Telemarketers

I was sitting at my computer, not even done with my first cup of coffee. I was happily reading my email, sipping contentedly at my first of many cups of coffee. I was not bothering anyone. It was 8:27 AM.

My phone rang and since I have caller ID, I can usually tell who is on the other end. It was “UNKNOWN CALLER” on the other end. I picked up the phone and tentatively said into it, “Hello.” I do not say this loudly because I feel no need to shout into my phone. Especially before I’m fully tanked up on my coffee.

Some perky and excited man from India was on the other end. I interrupted his first few words of greeting with an explanation that it was not even 8:30 in the morning here in America. And his response to this news? Well, he said, “It is my duty, ma’am.”

Duty?

To bother people before the sun is over the yardarm?

To call me before the stores are even open?

To annoy me before I’ve gotten over the groggy I-just-hauled-myself-sleepily-out-of-bed mood?

I told him it was my duty to hang up and then did so.

I hate telemarketers. I think that they are scum of the earth. The technique of invading my home without invitation, without knowing how this interference will affect the person paying for the phone line, irritates me no end. And they do this in the hopes of wrangling some of my money away from me. It’s like being mugged.

DirecTV is the most vile of all offenders. They called me daily – at least – for weeks. I finally listened to the perky, pre-recorded moronic drivel and found that I could opt out of any further calls by pressing a certain number. I did that. I got another call the next day. I then used a phone book – amazing as that may be – and found a number for DirecTV and called THEM and told them that if they were the last, the only, the best, the mostest, greatest, superlative company in the whole world, I would not buy their service because they have hounded me to distraction. They do not call me anymore.

I get lots of calls from debt consolidation people. They want to talk to me about my current credit card debt. They sound very serious when the talk. I don’t have any credit card debt. If I did, I would probably be frightened by their tactics because it sounds like there is something wrong with one’s credit when they talk. I have had mortgage companies calling me telling me that they can save me hundreds of dollars each and every month. I’ve talked to a few of these people and ask if they plan to mail the check or should I drop by and pick it up. No, they say. They do not want to just give me money every month, but to reduce my mortgage payment. When I tell them that I don’t have one, they will oftentimes hang up on me.

That’s one of the most annoying things. When some [insert favorite pejorative term here] telemarketer calls me and then hangs up on me. These people interrupt me, make me stop what I’m doing to get to the phone or be irritated while it rings and my answering machine picks up and they babble incessantly, and if I deign to talk to them and tell them that their sale’s pitch is ineffective, they hang up on me.

I can only surmise that someone is purchasing stuff from these odious people. Otherwise they would not continue to call. And call. And call again. I feel that anyone stupid enough to purchase anything from a telemarketer should be assessed a stupidity tax costing at least an extra 25% of the cost of the purchase, shipping and handling extra.

I wish that the stupid people, the lazy people, the morons – would stop buying crap they didn’t need or want or else they would have sought out the product on their own. If everyone stopped buying from the cretins who bother us normal people, perhaps they would stop. I think it should be a national law that anyone calling your house to try to sell you shit, should have to give you their home phone number so that you can call them whenever you feel like it. I also believe that no telemarketer should be allowed to have their own names and numbers listed on the DO NOT CALL list.

I dislike these people. There is no reason to bother me. I have never, ever, ever bought a single thing from a telemarketer. I never will. In fact, I will make a note of who is bothering me and if I ever need a similar service, I will make sure that I do not use their company.

Leave me alone. Especially before I’ve had my coffee.