Who is a Friend?

I write for an ezine called ReallyGoodQuotes or RGQ. Bruce, the owner, designed the thing with a section for comments. There are quotes, a joke, a visual thing. In addition to the main article, Sied, Kirsten, Tim, and I write pieces on various topics. Then there are sections not always filled, like 15 Minutes of Fame, or First Date, or Most Embarrassing Moment.

There are close to 2,000 subscribers. Many of them are vocal participants in the world of RGQ. Menudo was one of those people. He died, suddenly, this past week. It made me think. I wrote this for the 15 Minute section. I don't know if it will be published there, but I thought that the sentiment is true everywhere.

Friends, RGQers, Countrymen, lend me your ears. We are all citizens of the world. With globalization we are one country – Earth. We are RGQers by virtue of subscribing and hopefully reading this ezine. What amazes me is that we are friends. We haven’t seen each other. We barely interact. We are surface only.

Except that we aren’t.

There isn’t much face-to-face interaction. But there is heart-to-heart and soul-to-soul interaction here. Bruce wisely included a Comments section and there we reveal ourselves. Not our faces, but our minds, our thought, our feelings. This is wrong. No, the response comes, you didn’t consider this aspect. That is right, someone claims. No, replies another, you didn’t think of this particular.

I have been online for over a decade. I keep in touch with my Real Time friends and all of my family via emails, websites, and phone calls. Technology is what is making the world smaller and keeps shrinking the planet so that we can all be one big dysfunctional family. I truly appreciate that. My family is spread across the US from Arizona to South Carolina and from Ohio to Florida.

But I have increased my scope of friends. In email and chat rooms, in IM and ezines, I’ve broadened my scope of acquaintances, but also – amazingly – friends. There are people that I have never met, who I wouldn’t recognize if they were standing in front of me – but who are my friends. Show me a nick and a font and I would know them anywhere. I’ve not-met people who were genuinely wonderful – funny, bright, encouraging, ennobling.

I’ve moved and left my family and established real time friends and felt lonely – until I checked my email. And then right there, in my new home, my friends reappeared. I used to think that I was shallow or superficial for this. But I don’t think that anymore. I can share my heart, my inspiration, my friendship. I can lend support or give advice. I can cheer on or cheer up. All without my presence. Just my words.

Sticks and stones may break my bones
But words can never hurt me.

We have come to know the lie in that. We know that words can hurt, sometimes with a more lasting hurt than a physical bruise. The opposite is true. Words can ease and heal. They can help. And for over a decade I have had at my disposal a medium that allows me to spread my words. I’ve lost friends I’ve never met and been as bereft as when I’ve lost a Real Time friend. Sometimes friends are lost through mean spirited words or fights and acrimony. Sometimes friends are lost through separation if they lose their computer. And sometimes friends are lost through death, a final loss.

Except they aren’t.

When someone has entered my heart, either by being related to me or becoming my friend, I keep them. Always. I cherish them in my head and heart. I talk to them even if still alive and certainly if passed on. I’ve never been much for the “What would Jesus do” thing but “What would Mom do” frequently crops up and we discuss the issue – inside my head since she died two and a half years ago.

And so it is here. This amazing medium that permits me to widen my circle of friends. I’ve shared stuff with my online friends that is too risky to say to a RT friend looking into my wounded eyes. I’ve asked for help and guidance from a wider circle because I trust ALL my friends. And I miss all my friends when they move on.

Peace on earth.