Irony, Thy Name is Human

So, I've been a full time housewife now for a few weeks and the whole togetherness all the time, every day, was wearing a little thin. I really like to behave oddly without an audience. I sing – poorly – with the radio or stereo. I dance around rooms. I don't like an audience for this. The kids used to sneak up on me and it drove me nuts. But they all moved out years ago.

I listen to books on CD and you really need to follow along with those. And then someone walks through the house, making noise or even – shudder – speaking to me and I have to go back and stop the CD and reverse and then I more often than not have to start at the track's beginning.

Or he stands and watches me cook – my time to listen to the book on CD – and I'm not sure of the purpose of this. I was turning off the CD for a while, but that seemed pointless. We barely have enough to share through the quick process of eating dinner. "What did you do today, dear?" is a rather pointless question when you have spent the entire day together.

I'm used to more alone time. And I miss it. But … now for the irony … he's away golfing for a week and the silence and solitude is grating on my nerves. Great, now I'm not comfortable with him here OR with him gone.

I think that we are still in flux and unsure of the future and that the uncertainty is unsettling. I'm still not certain that I can remain a housewife. I may have to go out and get a meaningless job of some sort or another. That is going to cut into my playtime. Perhaps if I were really busy, I would stop recording 3 hours of stupid, meaningless programming each day, even though I can watch them in 2.25 hours.

Maybe if I had something real to do with my 24 hours, I wouldn't spend so many of them playing computer games. I would still write and I would still read, but my already 10,000+ solitaire games would probably increase at a slower rate. Not to mention the other games I waste so much time with.

But the silence isn't quite so golden. I really miss interacting with people. Real people. I post to message boards and send and receive emails. I have blogs and a website. I'm connected via a land line and cell phone. And I've not yet had a need to speak today except to ask the dog if she wanted to go outside.

I wonder how upset I will be with myself in the coming decades when I look back on this time and see myself just wallowing in nothingness here. I'm told that intelligent people can't be bored. Pshaw. I absolutely know that I'm intelligent. And I absolutely know that I'm bored.