I Am Not Making This Up

I mistakenly moved into a development that is controlled by a Home Owners Association. One would do well to notice the word "ass" is included that name as the slang word "ho" and the screech "ow." It is in fact, very painful to be here.

The HOA is guided by a "covenant" that was written up over ten years ago by a group of lawyers far away and not at all involved in the day-to-day part of living here.

One of the rules as written in the covenant is what I'm sure is a typo. Fences may be 4 foot or 5 foot high. Fencing comes in 4 foot and 6 foot heights. Ten years ago vinyl fencing was new and not so good. Today, we can't have them in our neighborhood because they are six feet high and unsightly. Unlike the untreated and decaying wood fences that are popping away from the posts that were not planted into cement and are leaning. Much better.

Included in the community and covered by the annual fees is a pool and playground area. The pool is gated and only accessible if you pay your fee and your swipe card works to unlock the gate. OR if you have friends that let you in.

The playground is a couple pieces of play equipment, a few swings and a couple slides. Unlike the "shoddy and undesirable" area that is close to this community but not part of it and not covered by the Hitleresque rules. Their play area and pool are fabulous and cost over $1 million to construct. Ours looks like it might have cost a buck ninety-eight.

While the pool is locked for the winter, the playground is open. There are fields nearby where kids could go and play football or soccer.

Someone or perhaps many someones are littering while there. This is an abomination and should cease immediately. I even agree with this.

I started asking for a garbage can in November. There was a cry against such an eyesore. And the work! Can you imagine the work? I have also asked if there couldn't be a little doggie bag dispenser for collecting any "trash" a dog at the play area might leave. What, asks the board? That is not our responsibility.

Instead, it is the board's responsibility to complain that people are leaving trash and dog poop at the play area. When I again asked for a garbage can, I was again told that it was too much work and furthermore, the bags were an outrageous thing to even think of asking for. Besides, poop cannot be placed in a garbage can. It must be carried around forever more. Unless you put it in your own garbage can and then I'm not sure what happens. But poop cannot be thrown away in a public garbage can. But if you leave poop sitting around, you can and should be fined and possibly burned at the stake.

So I continued to press for a garbage can because people continue to complain about litter being left at the play area. So I asked if during the summer, the garbage can that is now locked behind the gate with our keys that will not work, is actually used.

I feel like Dave Barry here, but I am NOT making this up. The Board President, a Very Important and Brilliant Person, said not only was it used, but during the summer when there are people at the pool every day – it sometimes has to be emptied twice a week. So apparently people WILL use a garbage can when it is available, but it cannot be made available because it will be used and someone may have to take it to the curb on occasion during the winter months when far fewer people are near the pool area.

We cannot have people using a garbage can! We can only complain if they litter and whine that we have to pick up trash. But if a trash can were there … it would be used. And we simply can't have THAT.