Hospitals for Health

I volunteer at a hospital one day a week. I am not a smoker and I have never been a smoker. I tried once, but got too sick for more than two puffs on the cigarette. Therefore, my smoking days are clocked in at zero.

The hospital system has instituted a policy that becomes effective on November 15, 2007 where the entire grounds will be smoke free. Not just the building, but the entire place – parking lot, outdoor picnic tables, every square inch of the place. They are concerned about health.

Or image.

You see, the cafeteria is filled with horrible food choices. There are vending machines with high fructose drinks in one, candy bars and salty snacks in the second, and high fat processed lunchmeats and cheese on white bread with a side of mayo in the third. The foods they offer at meal times are grease on a plate with a rare overcooked vegetable.

The staff is mostly overweight with some huge-ass (literally) people waddling through the hallways. They have thighs that are of greater circumference than my waist – and I'm not as svelte as I used to be.

At least 75% of surgical patients are overweight with a great many of them at obese or morbidly obese weights.

Smoking "causes" cancer, heart disease, strokes.
Obesity causes cancer, heart disease, strokes, diabetes, joint disease, gallbladder disease, and breathing irregularities.

So which one does the hospital choose to attack? Why smoking because it is the thing to do. And it is easier to attack. And thee is a certain cachet to picking on smokers. And it is not affecting as many of the employees and patients since there are far more fat people than smokers so they are ticking off fewer people.

Now people who are under stress (perhaps your surgeon) and in need of a nicotine fix will either be standing on the sidewalk outside the property lines and looking like a bunch of strikers who forgot their picket signs, or they will simply be jittery (while performing your surgery, maybe). What could go wrong there?

Or patients who smoke will be standing on the sidewalk, leaning on their IV poles and waving to passing cars – if they have the strength. Perhaps the nursing staff that smokes will volunteer to take the smoking patients out to the sidewalk to smoke with them. This will be especially handy in the rain as the staff can shelter them under a shared umbrella.

Visitors may wish to help the infirm out on the sidewalk. It could be a bonding experience. Nothing like waiting for Mom to get out of surgery and being nervous as a hell and being told to not smoke today. So they can go out to the sidewalk and perhaps we can get beepers for them so they can be contacted when the jittery doctor is ready to speak with them. Or perhaps the doctor can meet them out on the sidewalk.

Smoking is not healthy. It never has been. But it is far less deleterious to your health than carrying around an extra load of fat, especially around the waist. So, please, let's pick on the smokers to prove that hospitals are healthy places. Just don't notice the whales walking through the halls – they are increasing income for the place.