My Pants Aren't Getting Any Looser

I've been wearing stretch pants or too tight pants all year. This past spring, in an effort to burn calories, I attempted to roller blade. This is not a good thing for an old coot who has no sense of balance.

The emergency room bill and the doctors' bills are all finally paid. I'm about 99% better with a twinge in my arm when I move the wrong way. If I knew exactly what the wrong way was, I would stop moving like that. But I don't and so every once in a while, I'm struck with a sharp pain and thereby reminded that I can be incredibly stupid.

I had an outfit all selected to wear to my daughter-in-law's wedding shower. But I didn't wear it. It was too tight. I might have squeezed into it, but there was no way I could drive to Hilton Head and back while my pants cut off my circulation and made me miserable. So I wore something else. Something looser. Something that fit my fat ass.

I love my clothes. I have so many really nice clothes. And darling outfits. And accessories that match. Closets and dressers full of clothes. And I can fit in fewer than 10 pairs of pants. I realize that is more than some people own in total. But I have many, many more pairs. I have around 30 pairs of Capri pants alone.

I either need to get my butt back to the size of my pants, or I need to surrender to the advance of both old age and laziness. For it is laziness that is the problem. I used to be far more active. I burn next to no calories moving my fingers across the keyboard. And I spend hours and hours each day doing just that. And then eating.

By the end of the day, I'm so edgy from my self-imposed lack of movement that I can't sit still. But I have no place to expend the pent up energy. When I take my dog for a walk, she reminds me that she is no longer young and has legs approximately one-twelfth as long as mine and must run just so I can mosey. When I want to really walk at a fair clip, she is panting like a lizard on a hot rock before we get home.

I wanted to burn up some energy. I like to pretend I can ride my bike. But I have a list of excuses.
1. It is trapped in the garage.
2. It is hot and muggy.
3. The new road means far more traffic and it is no longer as safe.
4. I'm too lazy to get my fat butt on the cushioned seat.

So that wasn't working for me. Next brilliant idea. Get a treadmill. I called my son, the exercise guru and/or nut, depending on your outlook. But he was busy out in the world. Who knew that could happen? So I called my sister who miraculously was at home. She suggested an elliptical machine instead of a treadmill. We discussed advantages and each of us clicked through options online while we talked so she could point out various options that would mean something to me.

By the time my son called back, I was talking about buying an elliptical machine for the house. When I asked him if he thought it was stupid, he pointed out that it was not nearly as dumb as an AARP card holder buying roller blades for the first time and then trying them out without pads. Point made.

So I have been in a race with the Baby Sister over who could get an elliptical in the house first. I purchased mine on Saturday but was willing to pay someone to lug the 288 pound machine into my house and set it up for me. I figured the dog didn't deserve to have us put it together.

I got a call this morning and while on the phone, the call waiting was ringing, but I needed to finish the call I was on. When I got done, my cell phone was ringing and there was Baby Sister bragging that she had just finished a 30 minute workout on her in home elliptical machine. The one she purchased the night before, brought home with her, and put together herself.

The phone call I was on was the guy coming to my house to put the elliptical together. He was coming this afternoon. He showed up at about 2.45 and left about 3.20 with the entire machine set up. It took my sister about 2 hours to build hers. There were two guys here and they never swore. So it was worth it to me to have them build it for me.

Craig said to start out slow and gradually increase my workout. I didn't attempt a 30 minute workout. Good thing. I tried 15 minutes. I made it, but it wasn't easy. However, I'm looking forward to the next time. There are all sorts of preset things on this machine. I can do a workout for calorie burning or for my heart health. Or I can just enjoy not falling down and nearly killing myself.