I'm Unbalanced

I've been striving, working, toiling, attempting to regain the body I had when I was my children's ages. I have no idea where it went, but I'm going to guess it found solace in Velvet Fudge Sauce or a bag of potato chips. Wherever it went, it seems to adore the place as it will not come back without undue coaxing on my part.

To that end [that's a pun there] I have been exercising. First I bought an elliptical torture system and began to slowly acclimate myself to a more active lifestyle. Of course, since I spend most of my day in front of my computer, wiggling my toes on occasion would be a more active lifestyle.

At any rate, I began moving daily [Sunday's off] and could get into some of my pants with zippers. They still need to have a little stretch or give to them, but I can fit in more of my pants than before I started this lifestyle choice.

I've tried doing the elliptical with books on CD playing. I've tried it to music. Today, I read while slogging through 30 minutes of what my son tells me I will come to enjoy. I believe that will be the week after hell freezes over and with global warming and all …

At any rate, my sister and partner in crime mentioned the wonders of Wii. Being old and lazy, I was skeptical but my baby sister said playing with a Wii was fun and burned calories and made exercise more of a game. Since I hate exercise that is exercise and I used to love playing games, I shelled out the money for a Wii and a Wii Fit.

Wii Fit is a balance board. It measures the pressure across the board and moves a cursor or game controller by sensing your shifting balance. To be physically fit, according to Wii, I need to have some sense of balance and be able to move the control by shifting my weight right, left, forward, backward, or some combination of the moves.

I keep being told I'm unbalanced. I have no sense of balance and cannot shift appropriately to make the games really work. It is frustrating. My sister told me that my competitiveness was 'sucking the fun' right out of the games. If I didn't need to always be perfect and always do everything just so, if I would just enjoy the moment – then I would have more fun.

Wii Fit has four different sections. There is Yoga, Strength Training, Aerobics, and Balance. One of the games in the Balance section is downhill skiing. By shifting weight on the balance board, you can ski between all the flags and end your run with pride. In theory. I can't. I was complaining about this very game when my sister did the whole sucking joy thing.

I tried to take her words to heart. I don't need to be perfect. I'm old and just beginning to work on getting back into some shape other than 'puff ball.' So I spent the afternoon in quiet pursuits. My sister called me that evening to tell me she had hit the slopes with a perfect score and achieved some extra levels. I mentioned the whole non-competitive thing and she just laughed maniacally.

I still can't do it. I'm failing. I'm unbalanced. The game asks me if I trip while I walk.

But, on a happier note, I can hula hoop like you wouldn't believe.